So tired.

I have feelings too. I'm not tryna be 'buggin`' but when people care, they ask questions.

Tired of getting mad at for no reason or the smallest things possible.
Tired of waking up sad.
Tired of being upset.
Tired of giving everything.
Tired of feeling like dirt. Insignificant.
Tired of feeling sick. You're gonna be there right? Forget it. Ill do it myself.
Tired of hearing "he doesnt deserve you"
Tired of being hurt.
Tired of constantly beating myself up
Tired of blaming myself for everything
Tired of trying to find and fix my faults.
Tired of feeling this way.

"But you disappeared on me
And your heart, your heart went missin'
I don't know how to find it
I don't know where it is
I don't know where your heart went
It was here just the other day
Now it's gone
I'm gonna call the police
Call the investigator, the heart investigator" --Rooney

P&L
xoxoalways al

Summer09

summer 09 is not cutting it. the weather is poop. alysons just not happy anymore. I'm really upset that I dont think my family is going away anymore. I really needed that trip. Badly. but i cannot be selfish. this summer stinks. nothing went my way...nothing.

peace&love
xoxoalways al

Blah

It hurts. It hurts alot. I'm frail. I suck. I feel like a bad person. Wo xin hao tong ah. I'm exxhausted. Goodnight.

Peace&Love
xoxoalways al

RIP Michael Jackson

Yea I know he died like a week and a half ago, but still... damn. Like right now, that's the only word that comes to mind is damn. I watched most of his memorial service today, and was quietly sad, until Paris spoke. Yup, completely bawled. Just broke down and cried. Sad day. Although I was never like crazily into him, his music is something else. I remmeber as a little kid watching his concerts on TV like COOL! I pray for his family, especially his children.

On a lighter and brighter note... I've been doing lots of thinking lately, maybe too much. It's 3 AM, all i feel is poor and hungry. Lol. I really want to go shopping. Darn it. I'm thinking about applying for another waitressing job. FML!

Peace&Love
xoxo always al

Summer is... Apparently late...

Yesterday I watched The Hangover. It was funny. like LOL funny. So anyways, Tommy and i were talking about that movie 2012 it's about some prediction that the world is going to end then. Looking at this weather and it's July, the world is sooo coming to an end -.- watch, in September, it's going to be like 90 degrees. I had school today. ONE more class!! Knock on wood but this class is a BREEZE the hardest thing is to wake up for class. Lol seriously.

Tommy and I's summer to go/do list...

1. 6flags
2. water country
3. camping?!
4. hooters
5. rainforest cafe
6. acalpoccos
7. captain fishermans
8. eagles deli
9. Hibachi house

and more to come!

My family and I had bonding time today. It all started with a bootleg Q-tip my mom bought from OSJ, or somewhere along those lines. The cotton fell off the stick!!! This was the second time in 2 days! And this time the cotton was stuck deep deep down. So we all laughed and watched my mom and I try to pick it out with these metal picker things my mom used to use on Edan and I when we were little kids. After 10 minutes, I finally got it out =D. Then my dad came into my room and we talked for like half an hour about life...and Michael Jackson LOL. But I vented to him. Damn, sometimes people piss me off. It's like stfu cry, build a short bridge, and get over it. And Michael Jackson was cool. I wish I could go to his concert. =[

Anywhoo I'm hungry after making that list! Birthday is in a month... 19... The big one nine. Can't take this old feeling!!! Hungry hungry. BBQ Saturday. Yummy in my tummy. I'm making the dirt dessert. Chocolate pudding with Oreo crumbs and gummy worms. Keeping it simple and not expensive T-T I feel SO poor. And I want to shop. I haven't shopped in such a long time. Must save to shop! I've been eyeballing this purple shirt from ae for the past 2 months. It's still not on sale and I really want it. I also am going to donate clothes.. Lots of it in like 2 weeks or so, can't wait! That gives me a reason to go shoppng =x alright I'm to bed! Nitey!

peace&love
xoxo always al